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Name: Sarah
Birthday: 9/22/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Guitar, piano, singing, acting, dancing, writing, literature, music, sketching, anime, manga, all things Japanese
Expertise: Writing, acting, sketching, clarinet/saxophone, sarcasm, the occasional witty humor
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/21/2004
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| I was in first grade when my family moved to Oklahoma. I had or was about to turn 6 years old. Following the call of God, my parents uprooted us from California and moved to attend Victory World Missions Training Center. My brother, sister, and I were enrolled at Victory Christian School, and my family began attending Victory Christian Center. I was in children's church then, but still, my life was being impacted by a great man and his obedience to the call of God on his life.
Pastor Billy Joe Daugherty was an incredible man with great vision, care, and compassion. He was the kind of man who would put himself on the same level as everyone else. He walked the walk, and he did what he preached. After a year, my family returned to California. Three years later, we were back in Oklahoma. My mother worked at VWMTC, then later at VCS. For twelve years (thirteen counting that first grade year), I have attended VCC every Sunday that I am in town. I listened to him preach sometimes up to three times a week.
He had such deep conviction in his face and his voice, and it was so incredibly evident to me how he believed entirely in the words he spoke. He was selfless, and the words he spoke and life he lived were clearly not to lift himself up. Every act he did was an act of glory to God.
Victory is worldwide, with over 90 schools in different nations, and missionaries from the church reaching out to the world. Pastor Billy Joe's ministry was never just about the home church. He was about his fellow man, the community, and ultimately, the world. His obedience to God has affected many lives, including my own.
I had personal encounters with Pastor Billy Joe that I will never forget. Like the time I totally my mother's mini van. Pastor was driving and turned into the neighborhood right by where I had totalled the van. He recognized me and my mother whose boss had given her a ride. At this time, my dad was in Afghanistan. Pastor stayed with us until the tow truck came. He prayed for me, and his act of kindness and genuine generosity of time has followed me since.
Every Sunday, after service, he would stand at one of the entrance/exits, and often, my family and I would end up where he was. He always had a word for me. Many times, it was as simple as calling me a "mighty woman of God." He never knew specifically the things I was going through, but the words he said somehow made it more bearable.
But I have an even greated memory. Before Victory had its own worship center, we would have church in the ORU Mabee Center. One year, during Word Explosion (annual summer conference), my family had seats in the front. I did not particularly want to be at the service. I was probably about to be sixteen then. When a preacher starts naming out particular sicknesses and descriptions of those sicknesses and even descriptions of the people, most people want to be the one "pointed out." We want to know that God really is thinking of us, and we want to hear it from someone we have incredible respect for.
That night, Pastor Billy Joe walked right up to me. At first, we thought he was going to speak to my dad who was visiting from Afghanistan, but he put his hand on my shoulder and spoke directly to me. Those words he said have been in my heart since that day and have truly made an impact on the course of my life. They are too personal for me to share, but they were beautiful. It was amazing to hear that and to know that God was thinking of me. Of all the thousands of people in that building that night, God used a world-known pastor to speak directly to me.
I will never forget.
Pastor Billy Joe passed away early this morning after battling non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He was attacked by a viral infection, and with no immune system to fight it off, chances of survival were slim. He fought to the end, and held on. I don't know the full details, but my heart aches and grieves at this loss.
Even now, a big part of me denies it. An even bigger part of me is screaming out that this will be like Lazarus. I read the story of Lazarus this afternoon, and the version I read said that Jesus knew he was going to do a great miracle for God, so he was in no hurry. When he wept, he wept at the unbelief and for the grief. Lazarus was dead for four days when Jesus rose him from the dead. Imagine the impact that Lazarus made on that town of Bethany. Imagine now what an impact a resurrection would make after four days of death.
God could choose to raise Pastor Billy Joe from the dead, but after tasting heaven, would he want to come back? I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to. Still, I want to believe that maybe...just maybe, God will raise him from the dead as He did Lazarus.
Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." (John 11:25)
My heart and my mind are having a difficult time processing all that has happened today. I am hurt and I am angry. Horrible people recover from life-threatening diseases, yet my pastor who lived a life wholly pleasing to God, who was impacting this dark world with the light of Chris was sent to heaven. He was only 57. He was young.
I just want to know why God did not heal him. When so clearly in the bible are verses all about healing. When Pastor followed so willingly and obediently the voice of God. I just want to know why. And I don't know if I can live with the fact that I never will.
I love Pastor Billy Joe and the Daugherty family. My heart grieves for their loss and for the world's loss at this great pillar of a man of faith. My heart breaks at the loss of my pastor of thirteen years. My life has forever been impacted and changed...but my heart still asks why.
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| I am not bulletproof. And for all my smiles and laughs, my heart is slowly falling to pieces inside. For all my comments about not caring, my walls go higher. I keep the tears bottled inside. I cannot give him the satisfaction of breaking me down. Perhaps this was his game from the beginning--to be my friend, then break me down worse than any one else could.
Well congratulations on destroying a perfectly good friendship. Are you so empty that you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? I'm sick and tired of your attitude, pretending like you don't know me. So here's to you, your arrogance and facade, I remember every word you ever said. And I know that you see what you've done to me, so I wonder why you can't just tell me...why.
As Taylor Swift's song says: "You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day."
Well. Nevermore. Here it is, the final one to complete your arc in my life. Number seventeen.
Final Ode
Cloudy overcast shadows in my path
Darkness looming in my view
As you turn from me
Extinguishing the light
That once had beckoned me forth
With open warmth
I, as a moth to a candle
Did go up in flames
On that night you closed the road
Upon which I had wearily traveled
An unwilling voyager
Alone in the cold of dark, starless night
And once bright lamp gone from sight
Words ringing in my ear
A bell, a siren
A simple three word lie
Your lack of courage cutting deep
An angled, cerated, double-bladed knife
In the dreary morning
We meet once more
Sorrowful gaze
But you never look my way
I am forced to pass
And wonder why
Who had seemed to be
A handsome prince
In simple disguise
Revealed himself to me
As nothing more
Than a poisonous venom
A final ode to you
The master villain of camouflage
Muse of sixteen
Compositions to capture
The brilliance of your charade
And I must forget the hollow
Ache of an empty heart
Return to the point of my beginning
Overhead, I hear the tears of yesterday
Nevermore.
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| Taylor Swift sure has a way of writing songs that are entirely relatable for me. I think she may be living a duplicate life of mine...except she lives a life in the spotlight and I live mine in the low-light. I was going to write a real entry, but this song more or less says everything that is on my mind at the moment. I know you're not sorry, so don't even bother.
You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift (from Fearless [Platinum Edition])
All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,
But not this time around
You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no oh
Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before
But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no, oh
You're not sorry no no oh
You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade
So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no oh
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| I am dreaming again. Believing again.
I feel human again.
I am writing again. Smiling again.
I still feel alive.
I am renaming the stars. One by one. I am outside the lines of constellations, creating my own nightlight in the sky.
I trust the moonlight.
I am grasping the hand of the Maker of the moon. I am stepping aside, reveling in the meteor shower.
I know He's there.
Something in the words I hear play through my speakers, carried by the beautiful voice, mixing together with the strum of the guitar...it reaches through the exterior of my shell.
I feel...peace.
There is finally a light in the darkness. And my stars, it is the most brilliant light.
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Name: Sarah