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sakuramitsukai
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Name: Sarah
Birthday: 9/22/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Guitar, piano, singing, acting, dancing, writing, literature, music, sketching, anime, manga, all things Japanese
Expertise: Writing, acting, sketching, clarinet/saxophone, sarcasm, the occasional witty humor
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/21/2004
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| I see now, Manipulator, your game. I know your next move. You left your playbook in plain sight. And you forgot how intuitive I am. I played your fool too long. No longer.
It is over. And you are done. Your game ends now. Your playbook will go up in flames. Because I refuse to play by your rules. I am too good for that. And I sure as the sun rises am too good for you.
I will not manipulate your life as you have done to mine. And do not pretend to be my friend. I can see your lies. So I will cut you from my life. If asked about you, so easily will it be for me to look confused and say, "Who? No. I do not know that person."
You are dead to me. I will waste no more poetry on you, no more pages of my diary, and certainly no more tears on you. We are done. You are finished.
But I will not give you the satisfaction and hate you. I will simply walk away.
You knew how to string me along, but you failed to realize that I am not and never will be your personal yo-yo. You can screw up your life, I do not care. And when you turn to pull the string to have that shoulder to sob on, you will not find me at the end.
You had your chance. You ruined it. I will not allow you to treat me the way you have been treating me any longer. I deserve much better.
I am not your doormat. I am not your lapdog. I am not your sobbing shoulder. I am a living, breathing, feeling human being. And I am done with you.
I am worth so much more than you will ever realize.
Enjoy your pathetic, miserable existence. I will be the girl in the distance, out of reach, living a life of meaning. I will be the girl you were stupid enough to let pass by.
And you, Manipulator, are a fool.
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| It was about a year ago, a little more really. The story begins in December. And ends in December. I wish I could go Hatian. Then there would be no story--well, the story would exist, I just would not remember.
These lyrics tell a story. Mostly.
Last Christmas -- Taylor Swift
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying 'I love you', I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kiss me now, I know you'd fool me again
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
A crowded room and friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of eyes
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A girl on a cover but you tore her apart
Maybe this year
Maybe this year I'll give it to someone special
Cause last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
And last Christmas
And this year
It won't be anything like, anything like
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
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| I remember that night you called me, said we should go for coffee. You said I sounded like I needed someone to talk to, and you would be going home for the summer soon. I had just officially graduated from college. I had no idea if I would really see you again.
You came to my house, opened the car door for me. Words were not really exchanged between us until we arrived at Kaffe Bona. You told me to order whatever I wanted, you would pay for it. I protested, but you insisted. So I ordered a short hazelnut latte. I only wanted to talk.
I told you what had been going on recently. And you shared a story that sounded similar to mine. You gave me your opinion, said that if a friend treated me that way, there was no point in being friends in the first place. That friends are people who are there for you, not people who leave you on the sidelines and make promises but fail to follow through.
I listened intently, agreeing. Holding onto the friendship was hurting me, so after that night, I let it go. I am certain the person I let go never realized I did. He did not even realize I was holding his friendship in the first place.
Over the course of the summer, you were there for me. You would call me randomly. You would text me every so often. We shared laughs, stories. When I thought my heart would rip from my chest, you called me to make sure I would be okay. You made me laugh when I thought all I could do was sob.
Here we are, you and me, five months, nearly six months, later. Where are you now?
The most difficult event of my life to deal with, and I faced it alone. I needed you then. But you were too busy for my tears. Every time I tried to talk to you, you brushed me off. Every plan we made, you canceled. Every promise you made, you failed to follow through.
I am not the same girl I was nearly six months ago, coming to you for advice. Begging you to be the beacon of light in my mundane, dreary existence. I do not need you to open my eyes this time. They were opened the moment you told me for the last time, "something came up."
Back then, you told me that he did not deserve my friendship if he planned on treating me the way he was. If he only wanted to be my friend when it was convenient for him, then he was not worth my time.
I think it is quite ironic that you are doing the exact same thing.
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| Life's a climb. But the view is great.
Silly as it sounds, this song is part of what has helped me this past month. It's really been a month since the dream was crushed. A month and a day, to be exact. And I still have a bruise on my leg. It is still partly swollen too.
Japan feels like a mere memory. I remember the first time I went. The dream that had been so far suddenly seemed like a possibility. And last November, it was in my vision. And from that point, it was so close, within my grasp. But it is gone now. MeySen did not want to even give me a chance. So. Life goes on. Somehow.
I have to restructure the path I am traveling. At least, that is what I have tried to do. But really, I need to relinquish everything and trust the one who is really in control. I don't know if I actually learned anything in the application and pre-interview process. Except that everything can change in the blink of an eye. And just because you believe beyond all belief that something is God's will...I don't know. Like the song says, my faith is shaken.
But I am going to keep going. I will keep pressing on. And I will climb toward my dreams.
I read an awful cliche in my seventh grade history classroom. It was a poster that said: "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." Well. I think maybe I shot for a different galaxy. I missed. Now I guess I am lost in outer space?
One month. I am still climbing.
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| At 5'3", I tend to be shorter than the average person. This has always left me feeling like I received the shallow-end of the gene pool. To reach the top shelves of the cabinets, I generally climb atop the counter. Getting a chair just to get a mug or a plate is too much work. Plus, climbing on the counter is much more fun.
Growing up, I never noticed my height as being a problem. When I was younger, I was actually taller than a few people. Except, they continued growing and I stopped. I think I have been 5'3" since middle school. And I just might admit to being incredibly jealous of people who are taller, even if only by an inch or two.
I joke to my coworkers and my friends about the reason I wear heels is simply to make me the "normal" height, but it is simply that--a joke. I have come to terms with my heights, as well as other genetic attributes my grandmother and other ancestors gave to me, regardless how I may dislike them, but I digress. While the extra inches in height may be part of the reason why, it is much closer to the bottom of the list than people would assume.
5. I wear heels because they are cute.
 Face it. A woman can find decent, and even cute, flat shoes, but there is something about a heel that just causes it to surpass a flat shoe. These is my most recent buy when it comes to heels--I have only purchased one other pair of shoes since, and they are my purple boots.
4. I wear heels because they lengthen my legs and slim my figure.
I must point out that long legs is quite different from appearing tall. As a shorter person, my legs are just naturally short. And while I do appear to be proportionate, the longer the legs appear, the slimmer the entire body seems (as has been my experience, anyway).
The woman in this picture is a perfect example. You can tell from her right leg that she is wearing heels. She is only 5'4", yet her legs look incredibly long, and her body seems stretched out. This is what I aim for in wearing heels.
3. I wear heels because I feel more professional/pretty.
 Wearing heels does something to me that may or may not be unique. I am certain most women would agree with me when I say that wearing heels makes women feel more professional. But I am not talking about heels like the ones in the picture. And yes, the butterfly is a slot for tips. They are not simply stripper shoes, but they even scream, "I am cheap!" 
For me, heels add a sense of beauty, essentially raising my self-esteem. I feel better about myself in heels, and people notice it in the way I present myself to the way I walk. A certain swagger makes its way down my legs to the deliberate placement of my feet. Depending on the size of the heel I wear, sometimes, I even feel like I am a model doing the catwalk. And yes, I do pretend the aisles in WalMart is the red carpet or the catwalk.
2. I wear heels because they are a good weapon.
 Heels do not hinder my ability to run. If anything, they actually aid it in giving my legs longer strides. But I have more than the ability to run--I can actually sprint in heels. Could just be me. When wearing them, heels are great for kicking and causing significant pain (dependent upon the heel--stiletto heels or pointed shoes work best depending on how the kick is done). If given enough time, a heel taken off and thrown at a man can be very painful. I think they make for great self-defense items. Although, I might have a difficult time throwing my shoes at someone if I did not think I would get them back.
1. I wear heels because they make me feel powerful.
As a woman, particularly in a man's workplace, heels empower a woman. I do not work in a man's world. In fact, most the people are work with are women. There are currently only four men working in my particular office, one of whom is often on recruitment trips. I have noticed in myself a distinction between my attitudes when I wear flats and when I wear heels. Heels cause me to feel older, more mature, thus giving me a feeling of empowerment. I feel more like my student worker's boss when I wear heels than when I wear flats (this ties in first with the feeling older bit as he happens to be two years older than I am).
Even Wonder Woman wore heels.
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Name: Sarah